The Big Question

Originally uploaded by Krista 1366.

I am being a big cheeky and stealing this from Joanne's blog. Her post and her comments were so poignant and since I read her blog the other day, I have thought of nothing else. I have been trying to come up with a comment to post on her blog, but with so much to say, where does one begin?

"THE BIG QUESTION"

IF YOU WERE A CHILD IN THE 50's, 60's or 70's...
HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?

We travelled in cars without airbags or even seatbelts...

Traveling in the back of a pick-up truck was a great thing, something we still remember today...

When we were babies, our cribs were painted bright colours... with lead-based paints!

There were no safety caps on medicines, no safety latches on cupboard doors...

We rode our bikes without a helmet...

We drank out of the garden hose, not out of bottles of mineral water!

We spent hours building go-carts, and the lucky kids who lived on a hill launched themselves down the hill at top speed - only to remember halfway down that they had no brakes. After running into a few trees, we figured out how to solve the problem... yes, we ran into trees, not cars! (Note: Canadians substitute toboggans!)

We played outside, and we had no cell phones, so our mothers didn't know where we were! That was fine as long as we were home before sunset.

Families ate lunch together (dad too).

We cut ourselves, we broke bones, we lost teeth... and no-one sued anybody over it. It wasn't anybody's fault but our own.

We had plenty of cookies, bread with butter on it, pop - and we were never overweight because we spent hours running around outside!

We all drank out of the same bottle, and nobody died.

We didn't have a Playstation! We didn't have Nintendo, an X-box, computer games or satellite TV with 99 channels and dolby surround sound. We didn't have mobile phones, computers or internet chatrooms... we had lots of FRIENDS.

We went out, got onto our bikes or walked to a friend's house, rang the doorbell or just went in without even knocking. Our friend was there and we went out to play. Yes, OUTSIDE! Out in the cruel world - without an adult to look after us! How did we do it? We played with sticks and tennis balls, we made up teams to play games, and not everybody got chosen but the ones who didn't get picked didn't have to go to a psychologist to recover from the trauma...

Some kids didn't do as well as others at school and when they fell behind, they had to repeat the year. Nobody went to a psychologist, a psycho-pedagogist, nobody had dyslexia or attention deficit or anything else... they just got smacked and had to repeat the year.

We had our freedoms, our failures, our responsibilities and our successes, and we learned to handle them.

So the big question is:

HOW DID WE MANAGE TO SURVIVE AND GROW UP?"

Poor Joanne translated her Italian version. Here is the original. Joanne's is an Italianized version. Of course, Italians ate lunch together in the good ol days! Even back then, in the best of times, we Americans were lucky to eat dinner together.

>That's the list, exactly as it was handed to us parents (except that it was in Italian.) Then we were divided into groups to discuss it, and each of us had to say which points on the list we disagreed with - i.e. which changes in the way kids are brought up today we think are good and necessary. It's obvious that some of the changes are regrettable, while others are positive. What do you think? How does this tally with your experience, as a child, as a parent, even as a grandparent? Please leave your comment.

Joanne's Dad, who is currently living Chile, replied:

You see, that is just the point! We are survivors!

Ask the same question to a parent whose baby was flung out of a car and died in a seemingly relatively minor accident years ago.
Ask the parents of the teenagers who, whilst riding in the back of a pick-up truck in the Fraser Valley some years ago, were killed in an accident when they were thrown out of the truck!

Here in Chile I am still amazed to see people riding in the back of camionetas on the highway. Sure it is great fun as a kid to experience these things, and we still can on back roads. I am amazed here that most cars are still sold without airbags - airbags are an expensive optional extra, so the person who is struggling to afford a car naturally will avoid an unnecessary frill. I am also amazed at how many deaths occur on the roads, and get reported at the bottom of an inside page of the newspaper.

Sure we can go too far - if we burn ourselves spilling coffee that is too hot, we cannot expect to blame MacDonalds for selling it to us in a dangerous state! Do I ride my bike without my helmut? Of course I do on occasions. My risk, and my fault if something happens.

I vote for lead out of paint, seat belts and airbags as mandatory. Keep pop machines out of school - do you know that in most countries, Canada included, coke is the most common purchase in supermarkets? Was it like that when you were young? - no. Amazing what marketing can convince us we need!

And whilst we are remembering the past, I can still remember the humiliation of being one of the last to be picked to play on a team when it came to that period in gym! Traumatized? You bet - I still feel an aversion to competitive sports.
Lets be conscious of protecting our young - mentally and physically, because they are precious and irreplaceable. Some of that protection needs to be legislated, because, unfortunately, we don't all know the risks, or we don't all care enough.

Perhaps next time you should invite me to your scout parents meeting!

To which Joanne replied:

Wow! What a comment.
Your reaction was much like mine. First of all, not all of us did survive: Kids I personally knew suffered injuries, and some died, in accidents that would probably not have happened today, with our increased awareness of safety and stricter safety legislation. I would say, safety is an absolute value and for this reason I too commented that seatbelts and bike helmets are essential improvements. As for riding in the back of pick-up trucks - that, like some of the other points for discussion, depends on context. It's fine on a logging road on Vancouver Island, but not on the autostrada in Italy!
The last point on the list is also a positive development. Children did have dyslexia, other learning difficulties and psychological problems in the 70's, and they didn't get recognised. It's a shame that bright, intelligent children were dismissed as "dumb" when they simply needed to be given an opportunity to learn in a different way from the mainstream.
On the other hand, it is true that kids are overprotected these days - at least in Italy. Whatever trouble they get into, it's somebody else's fault, as far as the parents are concerned. If a child gets hurt horsing around in the corridor at school - it's the school's fault, it's the teacher's fault for not providing adequate supervision, it's anybody's fault except the child's!
As a result of overprotection and parents' fears, children are not given enough responsibilities of their own, even as simple as getting themselves to school. A friend recently told me posters are being put up in pediatricians' offices as part of a campaign to encourage parents to allow their children to walk to school on their own. Yes, it's a dangerous world out there, but it always has been, and children have to learn to face it on their own sooner or later!
Another point the scout leaders were trying to make, and one of the most important concerns they try to address in their activities, is the way that kids (and people in general) these days are cut off from the natural world. I have been reading the Italian translation of "Culture Jammer" by Kalle Lasn (editor of Adbusters magazine in Vancouver) and he points out that for thousands of years human beings have lived in close contact with nature, in a world where the only sounds we heard were the sounds of the waves, the leaves blowing in the wind, birdcalls and human voices; we are perhaps the second or third generation to live in a world predominantly of our own construction, to a constant background of mechanical and electronic sounds generated by cars, machines, stereos. And we are the very first generation to spend half our waking hours in the virtual world of computers, televisions, mobile phones and i-pods. In effect, we are the guinea pigs in a world-wide experiment whose outcome is unknown. Lasn suggests that this unnatural detachment from the natural world is responsible for many of the malaise of the contemporary world. One of the scouts' most important aims is to take kids back (or forward?) into a simpler world of contact with each other, their families and nature. They are not allowed to take mobile phones, gameboys or any other electronic devices on their monthly hikes, and their packed lunches must not include coke or any sort of pre-packaged foods. At their annual camp they are told to take off their watches, to encourage them to focus on what they are doing in the present time.

What do I think?

I have to say, I concurred whole heartily with Joanne. The dyslexia point, of course, jumped right out at me. I shudder to think what Anna's life would have been like if I never got her the help she needed. Progress is a good thing. Modern life gives us many comforts that we need as human beings. The question is, where to find the balance. The balance between living in a modern society and connecting with the natural world for they both have their good points and their negative aspects. I mean, who would give up modern plumbing? Certainly not me.

Moving on. Here is what I have been thinking of since I read "The Big Question":

On the point of "over protecting" our children. I couldn't agree more. I believe we are doing a huge disservice to today's young people. We give them the toys of adulthood, ipod, cell phones, "safe sex" etc. We freely give these without teaching them the basic survival skills a child needs in life. Is there any better lesson to teach our children other than - How to fend for themselves. How do make good choices. To take care of themselves and to have responsibility for their well being and respect for others we share this world with.

I am not advocating throwing kids to the lions. The world is an ugly place. But, as children grow up and mature, to give them responsibilities they can manage so they can gain confidence in themselves and in what they can do and achieve. This can be done in a "safe" environment. As Joanne rightly pointed out, there are manageable risks. Like walking to school with your friends at 13.

What I have been thinking ever since I read this little discussion, is what a fearful society we live in. How we obsess over the dangers that lurk around every corner in our lives and how we react to our fears. We have become, in many ways a culture of fear. Of panic on manic proportions. Something dreadful happens and the "what ifs" and the "could that happen to me" go out of control - we react - by wanting to control. Whether we as a society legislate ourselves into relative safety or cocoon our families in the "safety" of the home. You can never completely control your life or bad things that happen. Yes, bad things occur and bad people exist. But, they have always - since the beginning of time. Nothing we can do to stop it or even manage it. Evil is evil and evil people exist. Is there anything as a society we can do that will ever change that? Evil never goes away. By "protecting" and scaring our children into a "safe" environment only serves to sooth a parent's fears. It doesn't teach our children how to manage risk or how to minimize it, or, most importantly, how to spot evil when they see it. By making a child fearful of the world only creates a timid child, one who is passive and won't speak up and fight for their own well being. A child armed with some "street smarts" might just stand tall and carry himself with confidence - even become a voice to ones without, possibly even make a difference in the world. Something we should all strive to do.

Just a thought. What do you think?

Krista